real simple

I've bought two books about weddings: Offbeat Bride and Intimate Weddings. The latter was basically because I knew I was going to have to have a small wedding and the former was because I don't CARE about weddings. I think they're nice and all, but has anyone ever known me to dream about my perfect wedding and perfect life in the suburbs? No. In fact, I probably dream that I'm in an argument with someone but I don't have the physical strength to punch them in the face. I have the DESIRE, but I can't make my hand move fast enough.

Now, I LOVED Offbeat Bride but mainly because the author, Ariel, was very funny. She is much more offbeat than I will ever be. Her website (Offbeat Bride, which I mentioned in the last post) seems to have more examples of women who are walking a thicker line between hippie and normal. They seem to like the same things I do, though: bright colors and photography.

I have also purchased two issues of Modern Bride though I have no idea why. One of these issues I bought in AUGUST. I was in Martin's and I kept staring at it and then I finally just said to Chris, "Look. Sometimes I want to look at these magazines. Help me." He bought it for me and said something about how "it would happen eventually anyway.." and I was content until we actually picked up the ring when I bought a second issue. The people in these magazines are CRAZY! Where on earth are they getting so much money from? Oh man, their dilemmas are just so strange to me. I had never even thought about gifts for attendants.

I don't understand where these wedding traditions come from and why people view them as so necessary. Maybe I haven't been to enough weddings.

Besides the fact that we have no money another weird thing standing in the way of a bigger wedding is the fact that Chris is a lot older than me. Most of the people he knows are retired. Hahaha, just kidding. I mean, really, I'm just kidding, that made me sound like a creep (but I found it to be too funny to delete). But, seriously, and he's said this before, if he knew two people his age who were going to get married for the first time, they would most likely NOT have a big wedding. They'd probably have a destination wedding or maybe even only a courthouse wedding. I WISH I could do that! Well, I could easily have a courthouse wedding, but... you know... the pictures wouldn't be as nice.

So, I figure I have to do something and that it's never too early to figure out ideas even though we can't PLAN anything until probably January at the earliest. I go through my issues of Modern Bride and I mark things that I think look nice. The other day I was in Barnes and Nobles and I was looking at the Real Simple Wedding Planner. I think I want to get it. Real Simple isn't too terrible and it has a website where they tell you how to MAKE STUFF. Anyway, in the book there was an insert about subscriptions and it had this picture of Gerbera daisies in clear, glass soda bottles. It was KIND OF like this, just imagine shorter bottles and more colors. I was like, "OOooooooh! What a great idea for centerpieces! We can just save bottles...." and then I said, "Wait. Centerpieces?? Do I think we're going to have TABLES??" I just see this wedding and reception happening in the same room and that someone (probably me) would just be like, "Ok! Let's eat one of those two cakes, now!" and we'd all move on with our lives and go get Subway later on since we didn't have dinner. Tables?? PLEASE. That's why humans have laps!

Modern Bride confuses me and I'm not wacky enough to have, you know, a ball-pit at my wedding. Also, I think dancing is going to be extinct in 80 years. I don't know ANYBODY who is all "Let's DANCE!!" let alone knows formal partner dancing. The only people who dance at weddings are the older folks. I, for one, hate the idea of people dancing at my wedding. You can dance on my grave but don't dance at my nuptials.

Anyway, if nothing else, I can use the pictures I have found in the magazines and use them in my scrapbook (under the "first ideas" page). Right now the picture on the cover is me holding a huge knife in the air (just like Sweeney Todd!) and looking crazy. I was about to cut the cake with Chris at our engagement party.